


Flandre's Scarecrow

by WrestleCrazyGamer



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Gen, I got bored, One Shot, for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28606224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrestleCrazyGamer/pseuds/WrestleCrazyGamer
Summary: Flandre has been wanting to prove she can drink a human's blood on her own for the longest time. That being said, she isn't the best at talking to people without scaring them. So she begins talking to the scarecrow in the vegetable patch to try and improve her delivery. Over time she gains somewhat of an attachment to the scarecrow, enough that when it gets broken she can't stand idly by and allow it to be scrapped for another. This was the only scarecrow that'd listened to her talk for hours. So she goes to Patchouli for help...
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Flandre's Scarecrow

Flandre does not often leave the mansion. Her curiosity about humans, however, has grown significantly as of late. She wants to make a good impression on the human villages, so she’s been going to the gardens. There she talks to the scarecrow that stands watch over the various crops that Sakuya is growing, practicing to get her introduction just right. She couldn’t appear threatening, just like Remilia has always told her. That being said, a scarecrow can’t exactly give her a reaction.

Nevertheless, it was always there for her to go see. Its skeleton was made from branches and sticks that’d fallen from the nearby trees and held together with twine. It was dressed in a ragged dark grey tuxedo with a very holey faded red tie. White gardening gloves were put over its hands and worn down loafers dressed its feet. The head was a pumpkin with a potato sack overtop of it with a scary face sewn into it with red thread. On top of the head sat a rather dusty top hat. Thanks to a spell Patchouli provided the head maid, she can grow pumpkins year round to replace the head whenever needed. The scarecrow itself was tied with twine to a wooden T so it could do its job.

“Ahem. I am Flandre Scarlet. I’m a vampire who requires blood to survive. Would you be so kind as to let me drink some of yours?” Flandre recited for the scarecrow for the thousandth time.

Just as all the other times, it did not respond. Something about a breeze making the head tilt a bit made Flandre feel a bit sad.

“I know my delivery is stiff, but I wanna get it right… I wanna feed on a human all by myself.” she grumbled, stomping her foot indignantly.

She practiced for hours until her throat was hoarse. It’d begun to rain at that point, prompting Sakuya to bring out an umbrella for her.

“You’ll get soaked if you stay out here, Miss Flandre.” Sakuya told her.

“I know…” she mumbled, moping.

The following day there was a ruckus in the mansion courtyard. A demon was on a rampage and had crashed through the main gate. Sakuya and Hong Meiling both managed to bring it down, but not before it completely ravaged the vegetable patch. Flandre could not help but look for the scarecrow that stood guard there. A good way across the field she found it lying in a heap against the mansion’s courtyard wall. Its pumpkin head smashed to bits from the impact, its juices soaked into the potato sack that was its face. It was an inanimate object, of course, but she still felt incredibly sad. She’d formed a strange attachment to this scarecrow since she kept practicing her approach to humans with it.

She scooped it up and took it to Patchouli's library. The bookworm looked a bit agitated that pumpkin juice was dripping from the sack onto the floor.

“Can you fix him?” Flandre asked her.

“It’s just a scarecrow, Flandre. You can just build another.” she replied.

“It has to be this one! Fix him so he’ll never break again!” Flandre retorted.

“Flandre… a charm like that would be wasted on a scarecrow of all things.” Patchouli sighed, shaking her head.

“So you can fix him?!”

“I can, but I don’t see any worthwhile reason to do so when just building another is a more cost effective solution.” she told her.

“Please, fix him! I need to practice with him so I can approach humans on my own!” Flandre begged her, on the edge of tears.

“Fine… but if it does something unexpected I’m not being held responsible.” Patchouli groaned.

The witch then instructed her to lay the scarecrow out on a table, after clearing many books from it. On the way to the library Flandre seemed to have lost some bits of it as it looked more incomplete than before. She pulled a book from a pile and turned to a particular page, Flandre looking over her shoulder in a fretting manner. She then began to conjure up elemental orbs.

“Flames bathe this host and temper its body. Ocean’s current to return it once more to the flow of time. Life’s oak to restore that which it has lost. Steel to strengthen the body and soul, withstand the test of time immemorial. Mother Earth extend your blessing to create a vessel unbreaking. Sunlight grant your gift to awaken them. Moonlight give your power to carry them through the night. By this incantation I cast unto thee: Familiar Reborn. Rise and serve your master, Flandre Scarlet!” Patchouli cast, making each element engulf the scarecrow one by one.

Flandre watched its silhouette in the mass of magical energy undulate and move. To her surprise it then leapt from the table and flailed about as the mass of energy danced upon its limbs like flame. When it at last faded away, the scarecrow was left behind in a fully repaired state. It wore a potato sack no longer, however. Its face had carved itself into the pumpkin beneath, wearing what remained of the sack as an ascot. It looked silly with its tie, but Flandre didn’t mind. She charged and hugged the scarecrow, snapping its spine in the process.

She gasped, fearing the spell didn’t work. To her delight however, the scarecrow very quickly righted itself as the sound of wood creaking inside of its tuxedo could be heard.

“It worked! He fixed himself!” Flandre cheered.

“Just don’t go crushing his ‘eye’, okay? He can fix anything you do to him except sending him to oblivion.” Patchouli warned her.

“Thanks Patchouli! Now I can practice!” Flandre beamed.

“Honestly, if you wanted to practice the best approach would be catching a human…” she sighed, shaking her head.

Flandre led the scarecrow back to the gardens and needless to say Sakuya was taken aback by it. It was furthest from being the strangest thing she’s seen on the property, but it was indeed unexpected. She hadn’t even considered the prospect of a living scarecrow. It would certainly save a little time in dealing with garden pests, and without need to worry about it getting hurt. The scarecrow even politely lifted its top hat to her and Hong Meiling, its wooden joints creaking and cracking as it moved.

“We may as well give him a name. It would be rude to simply call him ‘scarecrow’.” Sakuya sighed.

“How about Yao, King of the Fields?” Hong suggested.

“A more refined name would fit better for his attire. Sebastian, perhaps?” Sakuya pondered.

“Lord Saint Hallow!” Flandre cheered.

“Why that name?” Sakuya asked her.

“Doesn’t he remind you of that picture book in the library? He looks like the Lord Saint Hallow that haunts naughty kids dreams on the full moon!” Flandre explained cheerfully.

“I somehow doubt he’ll be leaving any candy for the good boys and girls though, but the name does kind of fit. He has a pumpkin head and everything.” Hong Meiling giggled.

“You have to guard these fields really well, okay, Lord Saint Hallow? Oh, and you gotta help me with our usual meeting too, okay?” Flandre beamed, and the scarecrow simply nodded.

After that day, the Lord Saint Hallow was able to give Flandre pantomimed reactions to her delivery. The magic in it extended to its head as well, allowing the face to change shape at will to show emotion. Soon enough with its help Flandre began to find a delivery that didn’t seem intimidating. After getting it down, she was ready to attempt it with a live human.

She sadly came back to the mansion that evening in tears, crying into Lord Saint Hallow’s tux. It seemed that humans would run even at the mere sight of her. They wouldn’t even allow her the chance to talk to them. Sakuya couldn’t help noticing that as the scarecrow soothingly stroked Flandre’s back, the expression on its face had become a furious frown.

The children of the human village began to have horrible nightmares after that day. Some of them had claimed to see a scowling scarecrow outside their windows upon waking from these terrible dreams. When they would scream for their parents, the scarecrow would be gone without a trace. It didn’t take long for the Shrine Maiden Reimu to be asked to look into a possible haunting in the village.

“A voodoo doll…?” Reimu questioned, finding a straw doll nailed into the outside window sill of one of the houses.

Sure enough, she found each house bearing a doll nailed into the sill of windows. It was no coincidence that they were in the windows of the children’s bedrooms. Other than those she couldn’t sense any other forms of magic. No curses, no charms, no potions or anything else that could cause people harm.

So she waited until night fell to stake out the village. Everything seemed normal. Until the temperature seemed to drop. Reimu shivered a bit as she looked around for the cause. Sure enough, into town came Lord Saint Hallow. Holding in one hand a small wooden mallet with a coat pocket full of lightly jingling nails. His impression on this night was one full of sadistic intent. She wasted no time unleashing a charm that slapped the scarecrow’s face, making it slump back to fall on the ground.

“A scarecrow? That’s a new one.” Reimu questioned, getting a better look at it in the moonlight.

It then spooked her by sitting up. It then slowly peeled the charm off like a bandaid and tossed it aside, looking more annoyed than hurt. She threw some more at him and he bent his back a perfect 90 degrees to evade them before snapping back up. She threw more charms and he dodged each and every single one. Quite annoyed now, she began unleashing a bullet hell of charms that he seemed to dance around to evade. The fact he was a scarecrow allowed him more mobility options then the average person. Almost the entire street and some of the houses were covered in charms as she breathed heavily. Lord Saint Hallow had taken a seat on the edge of a well and pretended to be drinking tea, a little smug to have dodged perfectly.

“Listen you… you can’t go terrorizing the people of this village. Leave now or I’ll be forced to exorcise you.” Reimu threatened.

“They earned it for making my mistress cry…” Lord Saint Hallow responded, making Reimu’s eyes go wide.

“So you’re intelligent. I’m sorry to hear about your mistress but it isn’t okay to give people nightmares.” Reimu huffed.

“It is better than what I could be giving them.” he sneered.

“I’ll have you know I’ve never lost a fight…” Reimu threatened, pulling out her purifying rod.

“I’ll have you know I’ve never failed to scare away a pest.” he chuckled.

That single retort made her charge at lightning speed and start swinging. Naturally, he began dodging again. He made no attempt to strike back, focusing more on not getting hit. After a blast of light from her he performed several cartwheels out of the way. His mallet then came down to  _ plonk _ on the shrine maiden’s head, making her almost swear as she held the welt that was forming.

“In my defense, I didn’t mean to let go of my hammer.” he told her.

Her anger renewed, she continued trying to hit him. He even had to take his head off to evade some of her swings. After what seemed like hours of attacking, all Reimu had accomplished was tiring herself out as Lord Saint Hallow spun his head on his finger like a basketball.

“You’re… pretty good…” Reimu panted.

“I’m nothing compared to you, miss. I’m no fighter, so dodging is all I can do. It’s why I curse, you see. All  _ bark _ , no bite.” he replied.

“Was that a pun…?” she questioned.

“ _ Wood _ it bother you if it was…?” he snickered, putting his head back on.

“That’ll be enough.” Sakuya’s voice spoke as one of her knives stabbed the back of the scarecrow’s pumpkin.

“Way to  _ stick _ it to me, Miss Sakuya.” Lord Saint Hallow grinned, unphased by it completely.

“Sakuya. Friend of yours?” Reimu asked.

“This is Lord Saint Hallow, Lady Flandre’s personal scarecrow. It seems he took it upon himself to punish the humans for making her cry. I noticed that the fields are without a scarecrow at night and investigated to find him studying voodoo magic in the library. So in a way this was an experiment by Miss Patchouli to see what a living scarecrow was capable of.” Sakuya explained.

“She taught me to speak as well, though asked that I hide it from Mistress Flandre.” he nodded.

“Well, I need you to stop being a public menace.” Reimu sighed.

“I will see to it that if he is to terrorize people it is living up to the legend he is named after.” Sakuya told her, bowing.

“Lord Saint Hallow… the children’s book character…?” Reimu questioned.

“I haven’t read the book myself.” he shrugged.

“Well… I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to at least keep the misbehaving kids in line. Some of them like to graffiti around the shrine… but no more than that, got it?” Reimu told them.

“I won’t lay a finger on them.” Lord Saint Hallow replied, giving a respectful bow.

The shrine maiden departed for the night. Come morning, she explained that the nightmares were the doing of the fictional character Lord Saint Hallow. She told them the children had been very naughty, and were being punished for it. Thus did it become tradition for the Scarecrow of the Scarlet Mansion to scare the naughty children of Gensokyo by moonlight, and help Flandre practice her speech whilst protecting the fields by daylight. Flandre still had yet to convince a human, but with her scarecrow to talk to, she was confident that someday she would be able to.


End file.
